Thursday, July 3, 2014

A Minimalist at Heart?

The American Dream! What is it? Who wants it? Does it even exist?

Recently, I have been pondering this more than any other time in my life. Questions like these are often existential in nature. They can often cause one to question where they are in life and which direction are they heading in? Is this even the direction for me?

For the longest time, I defined myself through my possessions and rated my success based on the material objects that surrounded me. I've always been an avid gamer and always have had to have the latest and greatest electronic devices. Maybe I have finally achieved what most refer to as "maturity?" Maybe I'm just getting old? I think more than anything else, I'm just tired of living in a system set up by someone else. It used to be I wanted to live in a big city with access to all of the modern convenience that such a lifestyle had to offer. Now I wake up every morning wishing I could be surrounded by the sights and sounds of nature.

Maybe it is being married to the girl of my dreams that has helped to change my perspective, but suddenly I find myself hungering for a different kind way of living that isn't tied down to the trappings and stress that can come from being ensconced in stuff. I like my job and career very much. I'm happy to be able to do something with my day that very rarely interferes with my life outside of work. We've all become so overwhelmed at the need to buy a house, have a mortgage, multiple vehicles, clothes we never wear, channels we never watch and food we never eat that ultimately goes to waste. Dealing with traffic, breathing and consuming poison, listening to others prattle on about bullshit  they think is important, but really isn't.

All of these things have created an environment I find to be toxic in the extreme. I have never been one to follow the crowd or to cave to authority and I resent the hell out of anyone that is critical of those that try to think outside the box.

This system we find ourselves in was set up by others that could not have foreseen what this country would become. I for one am tired of dwelling in that system. A system set up to favor those born into privilege whereby those with more can have control over those with less. It is this unbridled greed that has led to the demise of the American way of life and put that elusive dream outside of the reach of most.

I think I have come across a solution and I have to say of all the decisions I have made in my life, this one scares me the most. I want to see what life is like after having gotten rid of 90% of my material possessions. That includes guitars, game systems, DVD's, whatever. Even going so far as to pare my wardrobe down to just a few items. As it is now I usually wear the same pair of jeans or shorts for most of a week anyway.

Another step would be to reduce the amount of living space required for comfortable living. I want a space that makes smart use of the available room. I'm intrigued at the idea of off-the-grid living and not having to pay a mortgage or utilities. Along these lines, I have started doing research into "tiny house" living and construction. I had no idea the movement had gotten as large as it had. There are lots of great resources and web sites for those wishing to embark on such an adventure and for that I am grateful to the technology at hand.

I am not a handy guy by any means. The one design I am looking at in particular is called hOMe http://tinyhousebuild.com. I guess one can't have a home without "om" which is what initially attracted me to the sight. In my reading I was encouraged by that fact that it said most would be able to build one of these despite not having any engineering or building experience. There are many pre-fab options out there for the non-doityourselfer, but I am also intrigued at the prospect of living in something I built myself. I will try and keep everyone up on my process which I'm really hoping doesn't turn into something else a week from now.

I end with another question. What is it we really need (and I do mean NEED) to be happy? Is it the 4,000 sq./ft. McMansion that dwarfs the other homes in the neighborhood, the flashy car, fat wallet, big TV, big tits, big dick, big boat? Have we lost sight of what really matters?

S


Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Inevitable Move Towards Oligarical Plutocracy

"With liberty and justice for all." "All men are created equal."

I hesitate using that second quote as I believe it to be exclusionary. They really need to change that shit. I cited the quotation merely for effect and that is all. 

These are the tenets this country was founded upon. If they ever actually existed at all, it was just someone's nice idea. Of course there are freedoms we enjoy that other countries do not. That may have been more true then that it is now. Several countries have freedoms. Perhaps America led by example in that regard. Also more true then than now. 

The dreams and promises of this country are illusions. Unregulated capitalism has become the name of the game at the expense of those not brought up in a life of extreme privilege. We have sacrificed our future at the prospect of making a quick buck perpetuating the need to make more and more money. To what end I wonder? Are these richest of the rich actually creating jobs and investing in the American economy? With a few exceptions, I say they are not. Just how much can one asshole spend in a lifetime. Richard Pryor had a hard time spending 30 million in a month. Of course that was just a movie. Just how does one start to reign in the unbridled greed that has taken hold in this country? 

Success is not the problem. Greed absolutely is. The greedy have their sticky little hands out filling the pockets of our elected officials who then turn around and make laws to help those same already wealthy dicks get even wealthier again at the expense of the worker, our Earth and the mental well-being of the citizens of this country. It used to be that an individual could go work for 8 hours a day as a relatively unskilled laborer and still make enough to have a family, a home and take a modest vacation every year. That was before companies realized they could maximize their bottom lines by giving jobs to Indians, Indonesians…etc.

What recourse does one have? Anyone expecting to get a decent job will also have to get an education which is now outside the reach of more than just a few. Those that do get an education will spend the rest of their lives playing catch-up even if they do land that golden position in their field of study of which there is no guarantee. For those that do have jobs? CEO's and managers these days have gotten very comfortable in reminding folks they should be grateful to have jobs and using that as an excuse not to give merit raises and to continue to line their own fat pockets. I have always been grateful to be employed. I just wonder at times if it wouldn't be better off doing something that interest me rather than feign interest in what I am currently doing. If getting out of debt and having health insurance (don't even get me started on that fuckery) and supporting my family weren't such a priorities for me, I would have walked ages ago The problem comes when the expectation is to do more and more work for no extra incentive. I've had to take it upon myself to create my own sense of job satisfaction which gets harder and harder with every passing day. Of course job satisfaction doesn't pay the bills or put food on the fucking table. I've tried to avail myself to opportunities that may come my way, but am consistently shot down at every turn. Seems like the only thing anyone has faith in me doing is shit busy work a monkey could do. When folks ask what I do, I've started telling them I fill air and that it's even more boring than it sounds. 

Again what recourse does one have? Nations in history's past have seen the rise of the worker and the overthrow of the Plutocrats, but often times at the expense of individual freedoms and expression. How exactly does one create balance so that everyone has the same opportunities? Have we literally become so entrenched in our fears and prejudices that we've run out of good ideas? America used to be known as the land of innovation. Seems like these days the only thing this country is any good at creating is more greed for a few and debt for the rest. If that isn't a modern version of what it means to be enslaved, I don't know what is.

S

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

The Girl of My Dreams

It's been a steady diet of Radiohead for the past couple of days which, to those that know me, would seem to indicate a very depressed state. I thought instead of bitching and moaning over what has me so depressed (I don't think anyone really wants to hear it) I will write about something happy. My best friend, my life's companion, my partner, my confidant, my incredibly beautiful wife, Cece

Let me start by suggesting that I didn't really know what love was until Cece came into my life. I've had what I would consider to be snippets of love in my life prior. I knew what my ideal of what togetherness and marriage should be and I thought I had come close to that having been married twice before. The first time for two years and the second for 14. I was one of those that mistook sex for love the first time around. My life was in a state of chaos after finally escaping from the death grip of organized religion and I was searching for something, anything really to help give my life meaning. Church had erroneously taught me that the meaning of life was a one-size-fits-all kind of thing for everyone. I had to begin to realize that religion was not necessary for spirituality, but after being spoon-fed a heavy diet of chastity, I wanted to see what being naughty was like. After 2 hate-filled years of riding the emotional roller-coaster with Vicky, I went back to the life of a bachelor. I must be one that craves the intimacy that comes from being in a relationship, because 6 months later I was in another one.

Her name was (and I'm assuming still is) Kelly. She and I were together for about a year. I attribute my somewhat more liberal mindset to her. She helped me to get over the whole naughtiness aspect of sex that had been drilled into my head since my youth. Being the career-minded individual she was, she decided it was more important to pursue additional schooling that would take her away from me. She wasn't really one to commit for the long term anyway and reflecting back I'm glad she wasn't.

Six months must be the max amount of time I can meander my way through life as a single person, because that was the amount of time to have passed before I met Liz. I remember being quite taken with her conversation style and her love of film and the arts. I thought she was a worthy companion to my musically oriented ways. Liz and I were together for about 2 years before we got married. I guess it was about 16 years between meeting and divorcing. One of the great truths of life is that people change. Folks that are married to each other will find a way to change together or they won't. I will admit that it was bout 7 to 8 years into the marriage before I started giving the idea of "someone on the side" any serious thought. I have never been one to entertain the idea of a one-night stand or having a mistress. To me marriage is one of the greatest ideas humans have ever had. I love everything about the institution and I sincerely hope that one day everyone will have the right to marry the person of their dreams.

That brings me to my love, Cece. I'll just come right out and say it. I CHEATED ON LIZ AND I DON'T REGRET IT FOR ONE SECOND!!!!! I always suspected that being in a band would lead to me meeting someone. I had begun to hope and dream it would happen and guess what? I met someone the old-fashioned way. Introduction through a friend. My cousin, Dave (who plays bass in the band) texted me saying "Patti's friend, Cece thinks you're cute" I suggested she "friend" me on the Facebook. It was all over after that. liking each other's posts led to private messaging which led to texting which led to me inviting her out to watch a band practice sometime. The indication was that she clearly wasn't comfortable with that and I don't really blame her. After that it was an invitation to lunch. I have NEVER been aggressive like that in my entire life, but there never was a time when I called into question what I was doing. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was so taken by the things Cece said in her posts that I knew it would be a mistake to not pursue something with her. Again I wasn't looking for a trivial one-night stand kind of thing or a "someone on the side" kind of thing. I knew what I wanted and I proceeded accordingly.

After accepting my lunch invitation, I began to plan out how I wanted it to go. I felt so good about everything that I took a whole day off on the off chance that our meeting would be more than just a lunch. I even packed an overnight bag just in case. I know ballsy right? I arrived first and got us a table. I was so excited I couldn't even sip the beer I had ordered. I kept looking outside and to the entrance and then back outside again in anticipation. The only other time I had seen Cece was at a show my band was doing. That's how we met and I must have been focused on the gig, because all I said to her was, "Yeah how ya doing" and that was it.

She finally arrived and a whole slew of things started spinning around in my brain. Questions like, should I hug her when she comes in? Should there be a kiss involved? Will she really like me? There must have been magic in that small embrace and peck on the lips, because I knew right then my life had changed forever and there was no going back. In fact I never returned back home after that except to pack up my stuff. Being in Cece's arms felt more like being home to me than anything else ever had. My heart was telling me that the search for my dream girl was over.

As I said before I didn't really know what love was. I knew what it should be and what I wanted it to be. My folks have the best relationship I have ever observed and I have always wanted that for myself.

I had the joy and the pleasure of asking Cece to be my wife. As we approach the one year anniversary of our exchanging of vows and the 3 year anniversary of our lunch (both on the 15th of April which she and I both find amusing as she is an accountant) I do so with absolutely no regrets. If given the opportunity to do it again, I would do it exactly the same way. Maybe not be as cavalier as I was with my Facebook posts about it at the time, but never in my life have I had such strong feelings for another human being like I do for my beloved wife. She is everything I have ever wanted. She is beautiful, smart, sexy and she makes me feel that everything in life is worth it. I am proud of everything she is and does. For the first time I truly understand what it means to put another before myself.





My heart and love are yours forever my Blossom!
I love you!!!!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Portland, I Can Almost Touch You

It's so close now I can almost taste it and yet like a doorknob that one tries to turn after applying a generous amount of lotion, remains just out of reach. I am of course talking about my inevitable departure from Utah and arrival in the Pacific Northwest. There are of course things I would miss. Friends and family being first and foremost. The desert, the mountains, cheaper living, great camping, my band, but the list is short compared to the things I wouldn't miss. Those being, the mormon church, unsustainable growth, right-wing extremism, gun nuts…. The list is almost too long. 

To be sure, it will be an adventure unlike any other to have come before. The most difficult part being leaving my wife behind for a few months. I'll more then likely have to go up so I can start my new job and begin the process of looking for housing and learning my way around the city while she remains in SLC to wrap up our old lives. 

One may ask, "Where in the Northwest?" As it turns out, it would be where I keep coming back to on my list of places I would like to live. Portland, Oregon. The nice thing about Portland (or as I like to call it Seattle-lite) is it has everything I could ever want in a place I call home. A nice, rainy climate, more bands that one could shake a stick at, a more liberal mindset, more beers than one could try in a lifetime, great seafood and it's own TV show. Portlandia which I can only assume portrays a very realistic look of what life in Portland is really like. Heh heh!

Is it really so much to ask to attain one's dream job in one of the greatest cities ever? I've been waiting for so long for my ship to come in and it must be the slowest fucking boat China's ever built, because it sure is taking it's sweet-ass time in getting here. I feel I can't really complain too much though. Last year I had the joyous opportunity of marrying my amazing and beautiful wife, Cece. Our honeymoon was the most incredible journey one could have. A trip down the Oregon coast which just made me fall in love with the state even more. 

For most of my adult life, I've settled for being comfortable where I am and not engaging in anything too risky. I feel the time has come to change all that. The best rewards are the ones that come from being willing to take a few risks. I need to be somewhere with like-minded people where I can connect with a vibrant arts and music community. The possibility of legalized weed come November doesn't hurt either. ;)

Portland, you have been in my thoughts and dreams for so long now. I think you and I would be really good for each other. Like a glove that's been waiting for the right hand to fill it. 

Unitl 4:20 then

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I'm Outta here!

Jesus! It's been ages since I've blogged. I'm a very bad blogger aren't I? Well fuck you! I haven't had the time nor the inclination to write down every single fucking thought I have. I've been busy, but I'm back now. It's a new year and I have a whole different perspective on life.

Why the change you ask? Well for starters, I just got back from the best vacation in the most awesome city I have ever visited. San Francisco. What a truly amazing place! It was so refreshing to be in a place that has been allowed to evolve as a city should. Without the meddling and interference from some bullshit (that's right. Bullshit!) religious organization. Not to offend any of my more religious friends, but the Mormons need to get their fingers out of the fucking pie. 

People in San Francisco actually seem happy to be alive. Even the bums were pleasant if not slightly mangy. I met some amazing people and made some great new friends while I was there as well. Ate some delicious seafood, saw amazing things. but the best part was (And this is a credit to California) I smoked some amazing fucking weed. Weed that was purchased at marijuana store where if you have a card recommended by a doctor (you really only need to say you need it and then you pay a fee) and issued by the state. The point is, my friend went to the FUCKING MARIJUANA STORE! Wish I could have gone myself, but this is absolutely mind boggling that Californians are able to do this. I had something called Romulan, one called Trainwreck and one called WOW. Through in some spice cake and a Mexican cookie and it was a recipe for the best time I've ever had. 

Guess what else? No one got hurt. No one OD'd on weed (which is impossible by the way). The trip has helped me to realize that I need out of this backwards fucking state called Utah. I have worked out a plan that will hopefully get my love and I out of here and perhaps up to the Pacific Northwest, Perhaps Portland, maybe Seattle before we both turn 45. "Are you moving for the weed," one might ask? Not at all is my response. I am leaving the tyranny and oppression of the corporation that tries to pass itself off as a religion. I am leaving because I've lived in this fucked-up place my entire life and I need out. I picked the Pacific Northwest because of it's beauty and liberal mindset. Also, I figure the closer I am to Canada, the easier it will be for me to flee what is becoming a very stupid place to live and yes, I do mean America. The music scene is great in those places too. 

What it all boils down to is that I need change. Not the kind that Obama promised and then never delivered on, but the kind to take me into the next phase of my life with optimism and focus. I guess blogging more often would be a good place to start as well. :D

I'll See you @ 4:20

Spencer

Thursday, October 14, 2010

God/Dog

Shit! Being a blogger is hard. Either you are always having to think of something to write or you are wondering if you should write what you've thought of. This past week has definitely been more of the latter. The title is probably a bit misleading as I am not really interested in talking about my thoughts on what people refer to as god. Probably WTF? would have been a better title, but I am reserving that for a real "what the fuck" type of situation. Never mind. This actually is a real "what the fuck" type of situation.

Why is it that the Jesus people just can't seem to leave the gays and lesbians alone? It seems every new generation of deluded religionists need to have a new group of people to hate. The faithful have even learned how to marginalize people of other faiths. It takes some real arrogance, bordering on hubris to claim that you belong to the one true church. Recent comments made at the Mormon general conference have made it very apparent to me that they are not the one true church. To suggest that a person can change their sexual orientation or that one would even want to in order to appease some unseen being is laughable at best, logical folly at worst. Boyd K. Packer needs to realize that humanity is a tapestry of diversity. It would be an ugly world indeed if everyone thought and acted the same.

I don't really care what you believe as long as you don't try to legislate said belief on to others. The founding fathers were absolutely correct in implying a separation between church and state. It seems clear to me that a lot of these so-called believers have abused and taken advantage of their freedom of religion. I don't think passing laws that take rights away from a group of people is what the fathers had in mind when they wrote the constitution. Well, the one thing that I do have faith in is that justice will prevail and that equality for all wasn't just a pipe dream. Speaking of which...

I'll see you @ 4:20

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Election Season

I have just one question. Has America gone insane? Every year it seems, we come closer to civil war if not all out melt down. What is it that makes grown adults act like they are back in the sandbox days of their youth? What is it with the incessant name-calling and outright hostility that seems to permeate the public square?  Why are people like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh always feeling the need to whip people into the frenzy of a wasps nest?

Yes. I know that was several questions. All rhetorical of course. Unless you would like to debate. I always welcome comments and feedback. A colleague of mine posited the question, "Do you think the availability of information has caused the public arena to devolve into something that is less than civil?" Personally, I think a lot of things have contributed to the demise of public discourse. I greater sense of anonymity is probably a huge factor in it as well. I think I am on the verge of digressing to the point of no return.

The GOP is a great example of a group that is on the path of self-destruction. Long time Republicans (always so true to the ideals of conservatism and smaller government) are finding them selves being ousted for not being conservative enough which basically means do you hate gays, love Jesus and think that Obama is a commie? The party has been hijacked by a gang of loud-mouthed thugs that think that the country's decline is due to a lack of morality on the part of the godless heathens. The fact of the matter is that since the days of Reagan, when the moral majority had a major resurgence and basically took control of the country thus beginning the decline of the middle class, The party has enjoyed a lot more time in power than the much softer-spoken Dems. Of course, the only thing people that have power fear is losing their power (thanks Revenge of the Sith).

The Dems are just as bad. In fact, I don't think there is a politician out there that isn't bought and paid for by greedy corporations. Don't look now, everyone! you've just become the unwilling victim of corporate fascism. When are we as a country going to wake up a realize that the real enemy is the one pulling the strings in the background? It is the one wielding the company checkbook all ready to doll out some bribe money to some poor sap stupid enough to get into politics. I'm not faulting the politicians, Any one of us in a similar position would do the same. "Hell yeah I want some free money! I have to do what? Rule that your mega-company has the same right to freedom of speech as an individual? Ok.

The injection of Jesus and religion itself into politics is also an interesting phenomenon. Somehow being patriotic also equates to being religious or vice-versa. I think it was Mitt Romney who said, "Freedom can't exist without religion and religion can't exist without freedom." I have to cry BULLSHIT! on that. I've always believed that one of the key reasons the Roman Empire fell, other than the fact they had spread themselves too thin much like America is now, is because they allowed themselves to be distracted by Christianity. They got so caught up in the fervor of their beliefs, that they didn't see the barbarians beating down their door until it was too late. Also much like America is now. We've been so caught up in our holy war with radical Islam, that no one is really paying much attention to little old China waiting to cash in that IOU or the homegrown evangelical zealot that's just binding his time and waiting for the moment to strike.

The time to wake up is now, people. Stop being a lackey to your corporate overlords. Stop inundating the rest of us free-thinking people with your self-righteous rhetoric about your imaginary friend that lives in the sky. Stop telling me that if I don't drive a GMC Jimmy and vote for that pig Sarah Palin, that I am not a good patriot. I wear my patriotism with pride where it belongs. In my heart.

Just one more thing. If you don't vote, you are part of the problem. I think voting should be mandatory. If you don't exercise what few freedoms you have left, you may find yourself without the proverbial pot. Just saying. I could go on all day, but I do have a gig tonight. Perhaps I will see you there.

If not, I'll see you at 4:20