I'm Outta here!

Jesus! It's been ages since I've blogged. I'm a very bad blogger aren't I? Well fuck you! I haven't had the time nor the inclination to write down every single fucking thought I have. I've been busy, but I'm back now. It's a new year and I have a whole different perspective on life.

Why the change you ask? Well for starters, I just got back from the best vacation in the most awesome city I have ever visited. San Francisco. What a truly amazing place! It was so refreshing to be in a place that has been allowed to evolve as a city should. Without the meddling and interference from some bullshit (that's right. Bullshit!) religious organization. Not to offend any of my more religious friends, but the Mormons need to get their fingers out of the fucking pie. 

People in San Francisco actually seem happy to be alive. Even the bums were pleasant if not slightly mangy. I met some amazing people and made some great new friends while I was there as well. Ate some delicious seafood, saw amazing things. but the best part was (And this is a credit to California) I smoked some amazing fucking weed. Weed that was purchased at marijuana store where if you have a card recommended by a doctor (you really only need to say you need it and then you pay a fee) and issued by the state. The point is, my friend went to the FUCKING MARIJUANA STORE! Wish I could have gone myself, but this is absolutely mind boggling that Californians are able to do this. I had something called Romulan, one called Trainwreck and one called WOW. Through in some spice cake and a Mexican cookie and it was a recipe for the best time I've ever had. 

Guess what else? No one got hurt. No one OD'd on weed (which is impossible by the way). The trip has helped me to realize that I need out of this backwards fucking state called Utah. I have worked out a plan that will hopefully get my love and I out of here and perhaps up to the Pacific Northwest, Perhaps Portland, maybe Seattle before we both turn 45. "Are you moving for the weed," one might ask? Not at all is my response. I am leaving the tyranny and oppression of the corporation that tries to pass itself off as a religion. I am leaving because I've lived in this fucked-up place my entire life and I need out. I picked the Pacific Northwest because of it's beauty and liberal mindset. Also, I figure the closer I am to Canada, the easier it will be for me to flee what is becoming a very stupid place to live and yes, I do mean America. The music scene is great in those places too. 

What it all boils down to is that I need change. Not the kind that Obama promised and then never delivered on, but the kind to take me into the next phase of my life with optimism and focus. I guess blogging more often would be a good place to start as well. :D

I'll See you @ 4:20

Spencer

God/Dog

Shit! Being a blogger is hard. Either you are always having to think of something to write or you are wondering if you should write what you've thought of. This past week has definitely been more of the latter. The title is probably a bit misleading as I am not really interested in talking about my thoughts on what people refer to as god. Probably WTF? would have been a better title, but I am reserving that for a real "what the fuck" type of situation. Never mind. This actually is a real "what the fuck" type of situation.

Why is it that the Jesus people just can't seem to leave the gays and lesbians alone? It seems every new generation of deluded religionists need to have a new group of people to hate. The faithful have even learned how to marginalize people of other faiths. It takes some real arrogance, bordering on hubris to claim that you belong to the one true church. Recent comments made at the Mormon general conference have made it very apparent to me that they are not the one true church. To suggest that a person can change their sexual orientation or that one would even want to in order to appease some unseen being is laughable at best, logical folly at worst. Boyd K. Packer needs to realize that humanity is a tapestry of diversity. It would be an ugly world indeed if everyone thought and acted the same.

I don't really care what you believe as long as you don't try to legislate said belief on to others. The founding fathers were absolutely correct in implying a separation between church and state. It seems clear to me that a lot of these so-called believers have abused and taken advantage of their freedom of religion. I don't think passing laws that take rights away from a group of people is what the fathers had in mind when they wrote the constitution. Well, the one thing that I do have faith in is that justice will prevail and that equality for all wasn't just a pipe dream. Speaking of which...

I'll see you @ 4:20

Election Season

I have just one question. Has America gone insane? Every year it seems, we come closer to civil war if not all out melt down. What is it that makes grown adults act like they are back in the sandbox days of their youth? What is it with the incessant name-calling and outright hostility that seems to permeate the public square?  Why are people like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh always feeling the need to whip people into the frenzy of a wasps nest?

Yes. I know that was several questions. All rhetorical of course. Unless you would like to debate. I always welcome comments and feedback. A colleague of mine posited the question, "Do you think the availability of information has caused the public arena to devolve into something that is less than civil?" Personally, I think a lot of things have contributed to the demise of public discourse. I greater sense of anonymity is probably a huge factor in it as well. I think I am on the verge of digressing to the point of no return.

The GOP is a great example of a group that is on the path of self-destruction. Long time Republicans (always so true to the ideals of conservatism and smaller government) are finding them selves being ousted for not being conservative enough which basically means do you hate gays, love Jesus and think that Obama is a commie? The party has been hijacked by a gang of loud-mouthed thugs that think that the country's decline is due to a lack of morality on the part of the godless heathens. The fact of the matter is that since the days of Reagan, when the moral majority had a major resurgence and basically took control of the country thus beginning the decline of the middle class, The party has enjoyed a lot more time in power than the much softer-spoken Dems. Of course, the only thing people that have power fear is losing their power (thanks Revenge of the Sith).

The Dems are just as bad. In fact, I don't think there is a politician out there that isn't bought and paid for by greedy corporations. Don't look now, everyone! you've just become the unwilling victim of corporate fascism. When are we as a country going to wake up a realize that the real enemy is the one pulling the strings in the background? It is the one wielding the company checkbook all ready to doll out some bribe money to some poor sap stupid enough to get into politics. I'm not faulting the politicians, Any one of us in a similar position would do the same. "Hell yeah I want some free money! I have to do what? Rule that your mega-company has the same right to freedom of speech as an individual? Ok.

The injection of Jesus and religion itself into politics is also an interesting phenomenon. Somehow being patriotic also equates to being religious or vice-versa. I think it was Mitt Romney who said, "Freedom can't exist without religion and religion can't exist without freedom." I have to cry BULLSHIT! on that. I've always believed that one of the key reasons the Roman Empire fell, other than the fact they had spread themselves too thin much like America is now, is because they allowed themselves to be distracted by Christianity. They got so caught up in the fervor of their beliefs, that they didn't see the barbarians beating down their door until it was too late. Also much like America is now. We've been so caught up in our holy war with radical Islam, that no one is really paying much attention to little old China waiting to cash in that IOU or the homegrown evangelical zealot that's just binding his time and waiting for the moment to strike.

The time to wake up is now, people. Stop being a lackey to your corporate overlords. Stop inundating the rest of us free-thinking people with your self-righteous rhetoric about your imaginary friend that lives in the sky. Stop telling me that if I don't drive a GMC Jimmy and vote for that pig Sarah Palin, that I am not a good patriot. I wear my patriotism with pride where it belongs. In my heart.

Just one more thing. If you don't vote, you are part of the problem. I think voting should be mandatory. If you don't exercise what few freedoms you have left, you may find yourself without the proverbial pot. Just saying. I could go on all day, but I do have a gig tonight. Perhaps I will see you there.

If not, I'll see you at 4:20

Driving

Let me just say that I have a love/hate relationship with driving. I love cruising along in my sporty coupe with the windows open and my stereo turned up. I love long stretches of open road that seem to disappear into the horizon. I love the weird road-side attractions that try to lure me in to experience the best BBQ in the world (if not at the very least, the township) or take the tour through the international museum of freaks and geeks and get a chance to meet Waldo The Rather Large Eunuch.

It hasn't always been this way. Oh no. When I was in my youth, my parents loved loading up the family wagon with me and my four sibs, dragging us to what I thought at the time were the lamest places and telling us that we should be enjoying the beautiful scenery. Mom & Dad, I love you but, children will never appreciate the more subtle aspects of looking at a bunch of rocks and cliffs. I understand it now thanks to the mind altering effects of my friend, Mary Jane, but back then, we were wanting to ride roller coasters or go to water parks. I'm sure the reason we didn't do those things was that they were expensive. I got my revenge though. On a trip to Disneyland, I made the fam drive me to this martial arts store I had read about in a magazine. I love thinking about them driving me around the streets of LA so I could buy a pair of nunchuks.

Now about that hate part. Just what the fuck is up with the rest of you people out there!?! Is it some form of mental retardation that befalls you when you get behind the wheel? I just don't get it. I especially get annoyed when some fucking bimbo driving a hummer (that's right. A fucking Hummer!) cuts across three lanes of traffic because she's just remembered that this is her exit. Better yet is a car full of punk kids (you bunch of self-entitled fuckers) going ten miles under the limit because they are too busy texting their friends that aren't in the car. Thought it might be nice to let Suzy Stinky Crotch know we were on our way somewhere fun and would she and some other peeps like to meet us there.

You bicyclists need to get a fucking clue as well. Here's a thought, uh, You don't own the fucking road! You don't get to ride two or three abreast. You do not get to weave in and out of traffic and you are not a fucking car! Never have been, never will be. Now I know you're trying to reduce whatever carbon footprint you've been told you are leaving and trying to reduce the amount of oil we all consume (and we all consume it whether you drive or not), but your sense of entitlement boggles the mind. When you come to a stop sign, FUCKING STOP!!! Don't roll on through and make it my responsibility to watch out for your irrelevant ass. To be honest, I'm more interested in not dinging my expensive car and what I'm going to have for dinner. Start paying some property taxes on your bikes and I might feel differently, but until then don't fuck with me. You will lose.

Spencer's Rules for the road

1. Use your fucking signals. They are there for a reason.

2. Hang up your phone. No one needs to die while you're operating a five-ton murder weapon. Many children are also a distraction. If you don't have to take them all then don't

3. Kids must wait until they are 18 and out of high school to drive.

4. Bumper stickers have to go. I know there are some gems out there, but if you have something funny or insightful to say, start a blog. You can get more words in and you don't have to work around it at the car wash.

5. Blondes between the ages of 18 and 35 do not need anything bigger than a light sedan. Unless you are  working on a farm and hauling sacks of feed. (You Hummer driving biatches are going to have a special place in the new regime.)

6. If you've had a DUI, you don't get to drive again ever. As in for the rest of your life. Yes. We are talking one strike and you are fucking done. I don't really care what your church calling is or who you are at the state level.    

7. Don't ever cut me off again. I will shoot you in the face. (Sarcasm only because I live in Utah)

8. Turn the boom-boom bass down. You are ruining your hearing and I can't hear this screaming guitar solo.

9. Plan your fucking trips. Mapquest and GPS tracking are great tools. Use them and that will save you from having to cut across 4 lanes because you've just realized that the driveway for little
Petey's day care is about to pass you by because you were too busy thinking about Jesus to notice.

10. Focus on the road. This means eyes front and hands on steering wheel. Don't eat, drink, apply make-up, text or call people. Put the iPod on shuffle (been guilty of messing with that one myself. If only I liked better music.)

I'm sure I will remember a few others on the way home.

If we can follow these rules as well as others that you'll just have to receive through osmosis, I'm sure we'll all be a lot safer and happier. By the way. My two personal favorite albums for road trips are Ani Difranco: Dilate and The Beatles: Revolver.

Happy driving everyone and I'll see you @ 4:20

Halo: Reach

Ok so, I've never really reviewed a video game before, but it certainly can't be any worse than the guy that reviews for the Trib. A few more specifics won't kill you, Vince.

Anyhoo, Halo: is the latest addition to the Halo universe. It is also the last Halo game involving parent developer, Bungie. Software giant, Microsoft, has acquired the IP and set up their own in-house development team for all future Halo titles. None of which I'm particularly excited to play. 

Halo: Reach, while being the last of the Bungie Halo games, is actually a prequel to Xbox's killer app for 2001, Halo: Combat Evolved and takes place on the planet, Reach. The player is dropped into the character of Noble Six. One member of an elite group of spartans fighting to prevent the planet from falling into the hands of the Covenant. A group of alien zealots that want to attain the next level of existence and will stop at nothing in making sure every life form in the galaxy goes along for the ride. 

For the most part, Bungie pulled out all the stops for this their final entry in the Halo universe. From outstanding level design to extremely well paced run and gun action. There were a few instances when I had a hard time figuring out which direction I needed to be heading in and a couple of times the frame-rate dipped. Not to the point of being unbearable but somewhat of an annoyance. For the most part, these instances are few and far between. 

Multiplayer has also received the benefit of some major tweaking. All your favorite game modes are there as well as a few new modes added to Rumble Pit and Team Slayer to spice-up the already kick-ass frag fest that keeps gamers around the world returning again and again. Add to the recipe a new and improved Forge mode, for designing your own maps, and Firefight in which you and up to three other players can battle it out against wave after wave of the Covenant horde. 

I'm already finished with my second playthrough. I don't spend as much time in multiplayer as I don't like getting my ass handed to me by 12 year olds. When I first played Halo: Combat Evolved earlier this last decade, I was blown away by impressive graphics, unprecedented gameplay and a story that would keep us coming back for the midnight releases, hosting gaming parties and nursing numb thumbs for years to come. I can honestly say that Halo: Reach is definitely my favorite since the original. 

See you @ 4:20, Spencer

The Band

Oh dear god! The end of the week is finally here. Wasn't too bad I guess. It went by fairly quickly.

Had lunch with the band today. Thanks, Max for getting the sweet potato fries. What a great bunch of guys. All our personalities fit together so well. Musically? Well, it's like we've played together for years when in actuality, we've only been playing together for a few months. Up till now, it's been like, "yeah that might be fun to do" or, "hey I used to really like that song." What I foresee in the future is Someone's Mom (yes that is what we are called) becoming one of the best local bands to come out of Utah in a while. The potential for creativity is huge. Does that sound arrogant? Perhaps, but you really have to hear us to know what it is of which I speak. I'm actually amazed that three dudes can put out so much sound. We already have a pretty decent fan base. I guess that will show that Someone's Mom is not a force to be trifled with, but we do enjoy the occasional light teasing. Now if we could just get the room mate to work a consistent fucking schedule, our lives would be complete.

October is supposed to be new music and recording month, but we do have a couple of gigs scheduled. Sometimes I find myself wishing that it was 20 years ago and we knew then what we know know, but regrets are for saps. The future is all that matters. Of course, a few girls flashing their tits always helps too.

See you @ 4:20

Spencer

Tofu

Here I sit once again at the end of the day nursing my poor wounded arm (Too much disc golf). I really need to come up with some better grips and stances for driving the disc, but that's not what this blog entry is going to be about. Oh no. Not in the least. Today I would like to talk about tofu

I fucking hate you, Tofu. The way you sit there giggling in your congealed snot-like way. I hate you because you are not meat. Never have been, never will be. Soy, when used in the proper way, can be a wonderful addition to food, but should never be used as food itself. It is vile in it's bean curd form. In fact I would be hard-pressed to envision the demonic creature from whose unholy orifice this evil substance was shat. And while we're on the subject, Fuck you, soy milk. You are not a worthy substitute for what I like to put on my cereal when I'm awake at one in the morning in my weed induced stupor watching whatever lame sci-fi I happen to come across. Milk does not come from a bean. No one will never squeeze milk from a bean and no one should ever try.  I'll just stop there before I start plagiarizing Lewis Black.

Now, I'm not condemning those who chose to go the vegetarian route. It's all about personal choice right? But for fucks sake, I need my meat. I need to hear it sizzling, I need to see it dripping, maybe even moving a bit as it slides down past the taste buds on it's way to Funky Town. Yes I did mean moving and not mooing. What I don't need to see is tofu pretending to be meat. I also don't need anyone judging me for eating it. That all being said, My band, Someone's Mom is going to be playing at this hip vegetarian restaurant on October 15. One thing I am really glad about is a great beer menu and some menu items have chicken. I only hope it's not Toficken.

See you @ 4:20

Spencer